Sorry it's been a while.

My ponderings have been few and far between lately. Not something I'm proud of but I am here now. Sometimes I am not sure how to start a post. Especially when I am feeling down in the dumps. I know I know something a Christian shouldn't be or at least shouldn't speak about publicly (according to some).

I am here I am bummed and I am trying to work through it because I can't put my finger on everything I am feeling, it started a while ago. Okay more precisely on my birthday when I was puking at 12:00 Am first thing on Nov 17. My loving husband did everything he could to make the day better. Including him calling in at work and taking the day off. That's about the highlight of my entire 30th birthday.

My parents didn't even call and wish me a happy birthday. When I saw them on Fri that week Mom asked me how it went. That was IT!!

I have been finding myself tearing up thinking about Christmas this year and still haven't figured out why. It's all so annoying, I am not a sentimental person. I don't even cry at movies. I didn't cry at my Grandfather's funeral (he was very sick and a believer so I know he's definitely better off).

I am also dealing with the fact that I seem to be getting a deeper conviction of how to live. This has created a bit of tension between me and family members. It hurts that people have no issues with teasing me about my convictions and now I am considered "old" (BTW if any of you that have called me this are reading this I am sorry. I am not angry or holding a grudge. Just hurting).

So yeah, Thanksgiving was awful, truly awful. I have done the best that I can to be truly grateful for what God has given me which is a lot. I love that I have a great home, two of the sweetest children and a wonderful husband. I am desperately trying to focus on these things.

Sorry for the blubbering.

Fall is in full swing..

Here it is that time of year again. The weather gets cool, the sweaters come out of the closet and the children love playing in the leaves. This is also a time of true reflection for me. Since my birthday is in the fall and Thanksgiving is just around the corner this is a time for major pondering and reflection. Sometimes it's just to see what my goals are or what I have achieved and see where I need to go next.. This year it's all about the blessings. The beginning of 2008 was bleak to say the least I was about to have surgery on my thyroid. I had recently learned of some horrific issues within my family and Ted was without work.

GOD had it ALL under control.
Thanks to Ted being laid off we didn't need to find somebody to take the children during my surgery.
Thanks to another lay off a couple of months later we were able to go to a cousin's wedding and still have income (unemployment).
Thanks to us being completely broke we've learned that credit stinks and we won't be utilizing it for more than home purchases (and even then would love to be without a mortgage).

Now we have a good income, Ted has finished his required hours to complete his apprenticeship term and we're eating well. This fall I have so much to be thankful for. Even in the tough times God's grace and mercy have been apparent and his love has been abundant.